I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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