You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
