either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
