Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
