I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
