so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
