if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
