I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
