For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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