bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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