3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
