insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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