can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
