You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
