I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
