Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
