she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
