just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is Oprah even human
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
