I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
