Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
