At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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