College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
