He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
