i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
