i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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