3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
