As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
