i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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