I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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