I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
