I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
