It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
