I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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