How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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