if only i could text you this smell
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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