where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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