I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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