hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
