Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
