So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
