PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
