In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
