Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
