I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
