my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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