im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
