Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
