I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This baby is an asshole
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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