Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
