And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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