yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want to make out with him forever
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I love you.
Bad choice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
