Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
