I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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