Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
