Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
