still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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